Wednesday, 18 May 2016

The Best & Worst Parts of my Journey to Recovery

I want to start by saying that I am so sorry for being so quiet the past few months, I had some serious recovering to do! I promise I will publish a blog about that, but today I wanted to focus on the end result rather than the process! (I should be writing a 5000 word essay right now, but I figured that this was a productive way to avoid doing that! Although it’s pretty incredible to be able to say that I am now capable of writing an essay – all previous attempts have come back with sentences finishing midway or making no sense! I’m finally the healthy and improved version of the old me!).

So anyway, today is quite possibly the best day of my life to date, and I now know that there are many more to come! Today is the day that I am moving back to the house where this whole rollercoaster journey began! I am so incredibly grateful to my mum for letting me move home two and a half years ago, if she hadn’t who knows where I’d be now. I do know I would probably have lost one of my very best friends. One of the symptoms of MVBD can be extreme mood swings – and in my case getting seriously angry over errr not a lot! One particular memory that I have is when I suggested to my friend that we start getting milk delivered instead of having to go to the shop. We had friends over all the time, and we’re pretty rock and roll so got through a fair bit of milk! He wasn’t up for the idea, no big deal you would think!...except I got sooooo angry.  I apologised – I didn’t even care where we got our milk from! I knew I had to move out or I would risk causing irreparable damage to an awesome friendship! Luckily he forgave me for moving out the next day and leaving him an orange ceiling that took 12 coats of white paint to cover…and I am now moving back to my old room! I honestly never thought that the day would come that I could move back out and start to live like a fully-fledged adult again!
Work was equally amazing today - it was one of the busiest days that I have known in the year of working there! Why is that good I hear you ask? Well I must confess that I am one of those weirdo's that loves work (hence doing 100 of them free of charge!), but it was also the first day that I finally realised that I have my brain back! Until recently a day like today would have been a disaster with me struggling to work out how to write peoples phones numbers down let alone do ten things at once! (I work at a florist for those who don’t know – it was job #5 of my 100 jobs and I loved everyone there so much (and luckily they thought I was alright!) that I never left!). Did I mention that I am well enough that I doubled my working days from 2 to 4 last week!
I felt quite teary this morning when I thought back to two years ago, when I had reached the point in my condition where I couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and honestly didn’t want to be on this wonderful planet any more. When I look back now I have no idea how I got myself through those dark days, the prospect of spending the rest of my life feeling the way I did was just not an option. Thankfully I somehow managed to keep the faith that one day I would be able to find a cure, in spite of the fact that everything was pointing to the fact that was the impossible. I am so glad that I am still here today to tell my story and live the fantastic life that I have been given. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to share with the whole wide world that I seriously considered taking my life, but unfortunately I know that I am not the only one to have those thoughts - I think it’s a side effect of having a long term ‘incurable’ condition that not many people are aware of. This whole experience has made me realise that you don’t have to be anything extraordinary to help people. I always thought I had to be something amazing to make a difference, but I now know that just by being ourselves and living honestly, we can help others to do the same. After having my life blown to pieces, it is finally coming back together – except this time it is a million times better than I could have ever imagined with so many more incredible people, experiences and life views than I had before. The worst time of my life was actually the best time of my life because it forced me to discover who I really was and what’s really important to me. Anyway I think I have talked enough for now, but I just wanted to share my story – even if it helps to give one person hope that a seemingly hopeless situation can get better then my whole journey will have been worth it. Thank you so much for all of your support, I have been truly astounded by the kindness of those following my challenge. If you would like to sponsor my journey for an incredible cause then please visit:
 Lots of love
Bobbie J  

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